I thank God for our open adoption…. we have an amazing birth mother who is wonderful and open. I literally couldn’t ask for a better birth family than the one we have.
She and I text everyday, we share things, we’re each other’s support, and backbone when dealing with things many others don’t and wouldn’t understand. It’s a balancing act that, so far, we have handled really well.
I love, love, love!!!! this relationship, how close in distance we are, and how soon she created a birth plan because I feel as if I get to experience Holland growing with her.
I woke up to a text this morning that let me know my sweetheart is moving. She’s an early riser and moves, moves, moves. It’s the sweetest thing in the entire world.
There isn’t much about handling H that I’m afraid of. I’m pretty sure I have the holding, changing, diapering, and feeding situation down. I’m afraid I won’t “move” fast enough. I’m worried that I’m still immature in areas that she’ll need me to be wise and full of knowledge about. I’m worried that I’ll won’t walk the beam of disciplinarian and gracious parent well. I’m terrified that my relationship with my daughter (!!!!) won’t grow as she/we grow.
I have a couple of friends with more than amazing relationships with their girls. I mean they are to be envied. I’m thankful that God has placed such women in my life to model after in ways that are foreign to me. And, I’m glad that I’ve formed my own relationships with their daughters to see their perspectives, too. It’s nice and as worried as I am, I’m thrilled! I talked with one of my girlfriends yesterday and she really, really encouraged me in areas that needed… growth. lol.
We’ve begun the hunt of everything Holland…. and, I’m thrilled. Already beginning to establish her style and think about how I want her to “appear” has taken over quite a bit. Things that I thought I would love for her to have are not as adorable or refreshing.
Balance. Balance. Balance.
The word I will repeat and the place I will seek for the rest of my life.
Balance in my marriage, in my person, and my role as a parent. Learning not to put so much pressure on myself to be perfect or too strict or too lax. But, to focus on building relationships with grace, love, patience, tolerance, and kindness. Learning to get to know H and T for who they are today and find the flexibility, patience, and forgiveness to evolve with them as they grow.
Oh, I’m eager to get to this beautiful place…. Thankful God has set me on this path. Thankful that He is given me everything that I’d hoped and longed for.
Keep moving Holland. Continue to grow strong and develop.
I’m doing the same out here, little one. Preparing for you as you prepare for me.
Mama loves you.