Writing a post announcing that a baby, our baby, was on its way has been a dream of mine for almost ten months since we decided to adopt. But, our journey to having a family has been a long three years. I’ve been itching to write it for a couple of weeks now. I’ve really been trying to wait so that other things we have planned to happen will align with the announcement. However, we’re constantly being asked about our process and I hate to withhold information that I know so many people have been praying about.
Thomas and I are anxiously anticipating the debut of a little one who we faithfully believe is growing healthy and strong for its debut May 7th.
As usual, I’m breaking rules and following my heart in telling the news earlier than you’re “supposed” to, but I believe that those who have prayed for and supported us more than we could have ever imagined, deserve to know.
I know that many of those people keep up with us via this blog. I appreciate the outpouring of love and support I’ve received from my readers, friends, family, and ‘netbuds who have linked arms with us and committed to battling this thing with us. You’ve been so amazing.
Three years ago, I started this blog to chronicle our journey through infertility and to a child. From the very beginning, that first summer Thomas and I began fertility treatments, I told him that if I were to become pregnant, I would want to share the news with you early. I believed that if you were praying for me, encouraging me, and supporting me during the treatments and hardest times that you would definitely be there if something were to happen. I didn’t feel that it was something to hid or protect myself from.
So, here we are. Making one of the hugest announcements of our life. An announcement that testifies to God’s goodness and His faithfulness. To answered prayers of strangers, family, and friends. Prayers of a community of women who I know have my back, who have been so helpful, and love me unconditionally. My gosh you have been by my side through so much… To you ladies who prayed that my heart would turn towards adoption – whoa. I cannot thank you enough for praying such a bold prayer (about something I told you I wasn’t interested in! Lol) and I praise God that your prayers were answered. That he knew so much better than me. That God didn’t choose to allow me to wallow in my foolishness. That He didn’t keep me from experiencing such an amazing act of love. This situation alone has taught me that I never need nor want to be in the driver’s seat of my life.
Please, please continue to pray for our family. (We’re gonna have a family, y’all!) We’ve been praying for our baby and our birth mom since we decided to adopt but now, but now….. our prayers are so different. Not about “a” child we’re thinking of but about a real person who’s developing moment by moment, piece by piece. If you can say that about a human. Lol. God already has it’s life mapped out. One of my most fervent prayers is that if we do nothing else right, we lead thr child to Christ. That we show and tell him/her of a relationship with an amazingly faithful Lord and Savior.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully express how good this feels. It’s such a relief to finally see the “end” of such a difficult time… years of such deep heartache. The “end” of feeling as if God’s hand was not on us.
The “end” of such one kind of heart wrenching prayer and the beginning of another kind. Praying for our child and its soul. Its emotional, mental, physical health and stability and the desire to love God with its heart, mind, and soul.
I know that God sees me. I know His plans are best. I’m so glad that He took my plans and completely wrecked them.
God has literally given me everything I desired at exactly the right time. The fact that my little one will be born at the end of the school year is miraculous! Educators across the nation understand this – I’ll get to be with my baby all summer. All summer. A summer of loving on him/her, getting to know them, and just plain ol’ staring at the wonder of an amazing God. A God who has taken our grief and given us an amazing blessing. I feel like as if Hannah may have felt this same way.
It’s beautiful to see so many things falling into place effortlessly. Without struggle or with the feelings as if we have to “make” it work. It’s beautiful to see that God has created an unwavering trust in Him that frees me of worrying about anything no matter how they may appear.
I honor my wait. I respect it. I will never, ever forget such difficulty. It drew me to my God. If expanding our family was a piece of cake, for me (please read the emphasis!), I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed God. I wouldn’t willing rest on the potter’s wheel. I wouldn’t understand that I could find such a peace and joy that withstands and overshadows the worst of circumstances in my God. I wouldn’t have a maturity that allows me to see past the now and respond with gentler words that restore and to wait patiently. I wouldn’t know redemption the way that I do. I wouldn’t know or have the husband that I have now. And, THANK GOD, he doesn’t have the wife he had before.
This wait has been good to us and for us. It was painful but it was the best thing that could have ever happened to us.
To those of you who have been so supportive and loving. Who have prayed for us and cried with me and for me. Who have gone through this with me as if you were in my shoes – I can never thank you enough. Ever. A good friend sticks closer than a brother. And, I luckily have three bio sibs and I have good friends. My sisterfriends. You guys are my everything. My Insta-friends – y’all. I’m thankful for social media and the way God puts his people together and forms a community of adoptive mamas who support each other, pray for each other, and are there . It’s amazing how relationships have been formed and how I’ve gotten to know you.
My heart has never been so full and I hope that one day I can look back at this moment in time and realize that my heart wasn’t as full as I thought it was. I pray that God continues to use me, my family, our story, and our children to testify to His goodness and do great works for Him. I pray that my heart and work swells for Christ and His desires and that I never quite feel that “enough” has been done to honor and glorify Him.
… here’s to recognizing and learning that suffering is never to weaken you but to strengthen your faith, your heart, your relationships, and trust.
… and, here’s to my baby. I’ve waited for you. I’ve prayed for you. You have a name. A room. A couple of pairs of shoes. And, a mommy, daddy, family, and friends who can’t wait ‘til you get here, but take your time; don’t rush. You are worth the wait.