Ever since I entered into the world of adoption and have become completey obsessed with it. Adoption has become my world. I’m reading blogs, making amazing friends on Instagram and Facebook, and reading a ton of books that open your eyes to so much.
I’ve always thought the idea of adoption was neat. It’s sweet and noble, it’s something I wanted to do “eventually”. After I had my own kids. After life had settled down. It was a great “idea”.
I fought adoption as “the” option for a long time. I wanted to choose to adopt on my own terms. But, now, I literally could not imagine putting my efforts, resources, or time into anything else. Adoption is not a common thing in any of my circles or for many of my friends circles. I only knew of one couple who adopted prior to our start in January and found out about maybe two couples, two women, and two adoptees since then. No one we know is adopting. Because we are beginning to talk about adoption, we are being connected with and running into more people whose lives have been impacted by adoption.
We will have the opportunity to bring our baby home right from the hospital. Although, one of the reasons we opted for a newborn was to limit the confusion/pain/heartache/undoing that comes with older adoptees, we do know that our little one will forever be impacted by being unwanted by her/his own flesh and blood. I didn’t even THINK about the implications of adoption on a elementary/teenage child or even an adult. But, the more I read, the more obvious the OBVIOUS becomes.
Although, our baby may not be hurt by physical/emotional/psychological abuse.. they may have never gone hungry… they may never know what it is like to be mistreated or cold or just helpless. They may or may not be exposed to harm while in utero…. but, one day our beautiful story will become a painful one for them. No matter how much we love on them, how much we support, protect, give, or provide solidarity – they will hurt at the loss of their family. The facts of their birth parents’ decision will hurt them.
We also know that we will introduce them to the only one who can love harder and stronger than we ever could. Someone whose love will never end, whose love is as wide and as deep as the sea (have you ever been in the MIDDLE of the ocean? No matter where you look, there is nothing but water for as far as you can see….. a concept I still can’t even grasp)… anyway.. And, I pray for them. I pray for their families. I pray that our child/ren will not focus on how they got to us but just be grateful that they have peace, love, and support from a family that desperately wanted and prayed for them. I pray that we show them so much of Jesus & His love and do Christ-right by them that they will have that foundation to fall back on whenever they feel unwanted.
I blog/Facebook/Instagram (amayes) adoption not only because it’s what’s happening in my life right now but also because I want to bring awareness to these little ones. Which brings me to a topic that is more than a little frustrating…
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO VENT/defend/inform ….
Once you announce that you are adopting, you start to hear of and experience some of the strangest questions that people ask. For me, the most popular has to be “you won’t get a crack baby, will you?” sideeye. I’m sure this topic will be it’s own post very soon but let me say…… when you are adopting, the child you will bring into your home has come from a less than ideal situation. Not all pregnancies are planned – I wasn’t planned. And, not all unplanned pregnancies are to truant 16 year olds who are exposing their child to drugs. Some of the women you and I know who are carrying unplanned/planned kiddos may or may not knowingly have exposed their unborn to alcohol/drugs. Some women who want their babies don’t follow doctor’s orders to the tee or eat the way they know that they should. Are you questioning or putting a stigma on their their child? NO. So, don’t put one on mine. Our little one may or may not have been exposed to anything harmful…. We want the best and hope for the bestfor them. We may not know if or what all they were exposed to but definitely will not DECLINE a child who was exposed to somethings.
<<<<< END OF VENT >>>>>>
But THIS…. these questions. The lack of, or limited, information on and exposure to adoption is one of the reasons I am doing all the blogging and the talking. There’s nothing wrong with adoption. Yes, these babies are HURTING in some way, some in many ways, but does it mean that they should be discarded? Or, picked over? Isn’t that the exact reason we should be caring for them?
YES… it is expensive. But, I don’t know of ONE couple who has adopted and footed the bill entirely on their own. NOT one. No one pays the Ivy League college tuition of adoption, lawyer, agency, embassy fees on their own. There are so many programs, fundraising books of ideas, and companies (not to mention FRIENDS) that were created specifically to help families with the cost of adoptions – there’s a reason for it! And, luckily, in this little world of ours – no one expects you to do it on your own. We all support each other. We understand the emotional/financial stress, and I’m glad to be apart of a community that doesn’t allow you to go it alone.
I’m proud to be a soon to be adoptive mama…. proud to be able love on the unwanted and discarded. Glad that God chose us, our home & family to set the lonely in. I saw on Instagram that one soon to be mama refers to herself as “paper pregnant” which I think is hilarious and incredibly cute. Which I will proudly announce within the next week. 🙂
Adoption is a beautiful experience….. it is also brutal. It’s struggle, frustration, and tears. It’s rejection and waiting. It’s humbling. It’s painful. It is not noble. It’s not all sunshine and butterflies.
But, like everything in life, there is an opposing perspective. And, this opposite will make the frustration and struggle worth every minute. And, it’s for that moment we wait.