Ugh…. so this is what you adoptive mama’s were talking about when you referred to the rollercoaster of adoption.
Although, we are no newbies to baby disappointments and the “downs” of trying, bad/sad/uncertain news still brings you to your knees each and every time.
I knew that adopting was not an easy task, I knew that it could be disappointing, that you could get thisclose only to have to start again. You are excited because you start to feel as if you are going to be a mama, too…. Until, you’re not. And, this post about the chateau explains these feelings of i-keep-trying-but-it-just-won’t-happen perfectly.
We could be back to starting line, but we do have new options and we know a little bit more going into the next phase of our journey to our babes.
I’ve done my crying, threw a semi-pity party, and felt guilty about the fact that one of the reasons I was so upset was because I felt as if “God was finally being good to me” as if He wasn’t good before. <Still makes me cringe. How self involved.>
I know that it wasn’t that “it was too good to be true” or that I am forsaken….. God’s plan for my family and I wasn’t the first option. And, that’s okay. Even if it doesn’t feel like it’s okay, even if I’m disappointed, even if things don’t seem to be panning out quite how we thought – everything will be okay. It will.
It’s a process. Complete with ups and downs. Struggles and victories.
Even though I hate that I blew the lid off for personal reasons, I know that because I’ve made this journey quite public, I didn’t want to keep information that could ultimately glorify God the most. Along with help others going through the same issue.
It happens. And, there’s nothing to protect you from it.
…. here’s to starting anew. remaining faithful. trusting God. and, trying again.