Over the past couple of years, I’ve done a lot of out-of-the-blue crying and some no-reason-at-all crying but more than that, some did-you-see-that? that kinda crying because our family wasn’t expanding. Because everyone else’s was. Because procedures weren’t working. Because my injections and meds made me insane. Because life was hard. Because of the pregnant women in the doctor’s office. Because what is supposed to happen naturally wasn’t happening at all. And, because I was tired, I was hurting, and I was empty.
I do a lot of that same crying for no reason and out of the blue because I see how good God has been and is being towards us. I see how He was moving in my life, in our life, and how much He truly was guiding and preparing us. I see His love in prevention and in His “no’s”. Because He is bringing people to us and opening doors for us that I never knew about, that I never expected, and to be quite honest didn’t think we’d get into even if they did exist. You see our luck has been horrible. Because I am grateful for the time without, the hardships, and the pain. Yes.
The did-you-see-that tears that just fall are subjec to the deposit notification emails letting me know that someone good, someone gracious, and someone generously has taken a bite and wants to help us. They fall when I showed Thomas the finished t-shirts that I created myself (what?! I’ve never done that before!) and they are us… wh0 we are and what we believe. And, people like them. They are ordering them. Our friends are sharing our shirts on their Facebook pages and their friends want them. Because we are getting emails from a nationwide adoption support agencies that help families ACROSS THE WORLD adopt and expand their families… giving homes to orphans and would be orphans or worse. They fall because I have never felt the kindness and love of people the way I am feeling it now.
Because people care. Because they are generous. Because they love us. Because they believe in good deeds and giving as a lifestyle. They sow. They trust and believe in a God who has saved them and brought them into a family of people, of believers, who take care of one another and who help one another. They believe in adoption and what it means for families and for children.
I am overwhelmed and overjoyed. I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I literally just sit in awe. I used to cry and think “Why us? Why is this so hard? Why isn’t this working?” And, THIS was why. I would have never known or understood praising God and glorifying Him in this way if I hadn’t have experienced so a painful process. I know I wouldn’t. I would complain to Thomas about why life had to be so hard – the answer is simple. So, that God can be glorified when everything comes together and works for our good…. but, first and foremost His glory.
I am glad. Hear me when I say, GLAD for those horrid two years. They were hard. They were unimaginably hard. Not all the time. Certainly not. But, the lows were pretty low and the tough times left some pretty big bruises but how thankful I am for those times.
The hard times are not over.. They never will be. We will struggle through this process. We will have to endure the difficult and trying continuously in every facet of our life. That I know. There will be ups and downs. But, one thing I know for sure – He will not leave me nor forsake me. Ever. I’m not walking this journey alone. I am not walking with no destination. I may not know where it is or how close I am to the finish but I do know that I will finish and that the journey is good for me.
I used to think that those who had everything so easy were so lucky…. the ones who never really had to struggle because things seemed to come so easily for them. First, I know that all things that looks easy, aren’t. And, that perspective and attitude determine a lot more that position. And, second, I’m so thankful that my path has been rocky. That difficult times were written in my story. That I have scares and battle wounds – I wouldn’t have it any other way.
….. oh, how He loves us.