First, I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and enjoyed time with their family and friends!
Mine was great….. I’m really enjoying my family and really enjoy creating our own traditions and just being.
For that, I am grateful.
And, feeling quite free and peaceful for the first time in over a year and a half.
So, I’m writing at the doctor……… A place that is (was) typically an emotional stressor is once again just a place I go for medical care. No tears, no emotional pain, nor sadness associated, at all. And, for that, my heart truly rejoices.
For the past couple of years, I was at the doctor for infertility treatments/tests regularly along with the regular girlie visits. Sitting in the waiting room as these wobbly preggo mamas – to – be would come in and out, some extremely pregnant while others were barely showing, were constant reminders of what I could not have. Or do. Or become.
Only a select group of women will understand from experience how your heart swells, rejoices, and just overflows with emotions you can barely put into words about how this once dark place that resided inside of you is now full of light and possibility. Full of wonder. Gratitude. Praise. I know you are celebrating with us.
Then, there are those who watch as you go through so much. You can almost literally feel their pain bc of yours. And, now to see them as happy for you as you are for yourself causes your heart to swell that much more. Your support, prayer, and hugs mean the world! And, you sneaks who were praying that my heart was softened to adoption – I thank God for you and your insight. Your prayers were definitely answered! I had no idea that one person, not to mention MORE, were praying this same prayer but thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I haven’t felt this much peace and excitement about expanding our family since the summer of 2010 and especially 2011.
God is good. He is El-Roi (the one who sees me). The one who answers prayers. The one who gives you the desires of your heart. He is Emmanuel- He is with you. His grace is sufficient until ______. He is God.
I am grateful for the time spent getting to know Him, getting to know more about myself, my husband – all of that learning and growth was necessary.
And, I did cry a bit leaving the office. And driving home. For good.
As we women know, our doctors get to know us. And, when my doctor asked about fertility and moving forward with treatments, I was able to tell her that they weren’t necessary anymore because we were adopting. She, too, has “children of the heart” as she calls hers. (God works, doesn’t He?!) As she was leaving the examination room, she asked that I keep her updated and said that she would leave me with a list of pediatricians! *** insert tears *** I “knew” we would need to choose a caregiver for out baby/ies but reality hit at that moment. Whoa.
I’m sure there will be plenty more “reality checks” and tears to come and I plan to enjoy every. single. one. with child-like excitement and wonder. I’ll drive you all insane but I hope you enjoy the insanity as much as I will. 🙂
And, then….. My friend’s song came to my mind and I haven’t been able to get it out of my spirit. These lyrics are everything right now.
“You are the God of greater. You are the God of more than enough. You are the God of abundance. My Creator. All sufficient one.”
That He is.
…. Here’s to loving on a God who’s plans are greater than our own. One who truly does give you the desires of your heart (the ones you don’t even know are there.) and keeps you through it all.
…. Here’s to loving on and praying for my babies, their family, and their journey to us!!!
Thank you, God!