So, I saw a book on Thomas’ desk at work called “Be Mature”…. and, being the reader and chaser of information that I am – I snagged it. And, I love it.
It’s a book about maturing in Christ. I’m only on chapter 3 and I literally had to STOP reading because I felt like I’d read so much my brain was full. I couldn’t take anymore. Over the past few years, I’ve really, really, really grown and learned so much about God it’s ridiculous. Makes me wonder where I’d be if I’d learned all that I have recently when I was younger. But, any who. So far, the book talks about how many Christians are immature. “… acting like children…” who are impatient and argumentative grown ups who have no self control, collect material toys, and cannot get along with each other! ouch!!!! The author also sheds light on the characteristics of a mature Christian – prayerful, patient, self controlled, honest, and peaceful.
One of the characteristics the author describes as immature and childlike is being double-minded… he explains that disbelief is a tell tale sign of immaturity.
The Word has a way of showing you who you are. And, all of this disbelief and double mindedness talk reminded me of how I feel/felt about our infertility.
I would be on the fence a lot… on one side, trusting God, His plan, and His timing. Yet, at the same time, I felt as if I was being realistic about our situation. << UM… HELLO!!! DOUBLE MINDED little lady you aren’t trusting God completely!!!! >> So, this portion of the book definitely convicted and encouraged me to adjust my thinking and decide to trust God (period). Not trust God for a baby. Or, babies. But, to just trust Him.
No limits. No boxes. No boundaries. Just trust.
Ironically, just the night before, I was in bed with our youngest niece after we had such a fun time the day before (Discovery Green post coming soon!!) and a great day THAT day and wondered if I wasn’t praying enough. Enough in terms of quantity and quality. I already feel so guilty….
Thomas is so great with our borrowed girls and he’s so sweet with them…….. I just see us all together and the idea of us having and growing with our own little images. But, I’m trusting God. Period. His timing (as ours has changed a little bit…) and His plan.
He didn’t come to make me happy or give me everything I think I need or want. I have to remember that I am here to glorify Him in all that I do – and, He has a perfect plan to make that happen. I just have to trust it.
… here’s to pouring out your heart to the only One who can mend it but trusting Him and His plan period.