For a while now, I’ve felt fairly good about our inability to get pregnant on our own. When I say fairly good, I mean no tears, completely okay with our plan, and not bothered by not getting pregnant, lol…. I’ve really been quite okay with everything. Enjoying life…. loving my husband, the gym, and the sun…. hanging out… unable to wait to spend little lots of time with my sister and lounge by a pool and going on vacation…. as well as graciously jumping on every opportunity that comes my way. I’ve been good!
I have no idea what happened.
But, I feel like I’ve been hit with a ton of bricks. I thought this thing had gotten a bit easier. I was hoping it would at least. Hoping I wouldn’t feel the need to self medicate with shopping and more shopping…… or the gym which has become quite a large part of my life! That I wouldn’t go through all of the same things I went through almost a year ago when I was actually TRYING to get pregnant. Which doesn’t help the fact that a year later, we’re still in the same position. (Sidebar: I am down to 19% body fat which is almost a 10% loss from when I began my love affair with the gym!!! Woot – woot!!)
We are good right now. Happy with our life and working hard. I don’t really want to FEEL any kind of way about having children. I don’t want to deal with it. I want to tell my little heart, “We’re good!!!” and for it to actually believe me. I don’t want to be the emotional wreck I was last summer.
(I am still hoping against hope, in the very essence and definition of this word, that we are able to get pregnant on our own. I know our God CAN if He so chooses…… Just hoping that parenthood is His plan for us to bring Him glory.)
… here’s to HOPEfully enjoying the spring/summer without the emotional ups and downs…. more sun, more work, more of just enjoying life with the just two of us! That’s my plan.