I started this blog in the Spring of 2011 to chronicle my journey to motherhood. Unashamedgrowth came about because I felt it was necessary to be proud of what God places in our laps, who He created us to be, and to grow through the struggles. I am not ashamed of my infertility whatsoever because I know that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, knitted in my mothers womb, and a creation by God. A God who makes us all different and yet makes NO mistakes. Ever. So why would I, HOW could I be ashamed of they way I was created by a perfect God?
As His plan would have it, I did not get pregnant in 2011 and Thomas and I have made a decision to just hang out for a while… a decision that was spurred by my request. Not because I was tired of trying or anything like that (although it was physically and emotionally draining) – I just feel that now is not the best time for us. We have plans and goals we’d like to accomplish and and honestly, a baby would just throw a monkey wrench in our agenda! And, YES, babies are still on our agenda – just a little further down.
Anywho, this “journey” of growth was instigated by infertility but continued by the grace of God.
Just recently I’ve truly felt God moving in my life. I’ve really had to get over myself in order to be available to be used by Him in areas that I TRY so hard to shy away from. I’ve been talking a lot about how God uses us to encourage/inspire/”get through” to other people. This week, especially, I have felt God pushing me to do things that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY!!!!! don’t want to do but when I consider what’s at stake – how can I say no?
We (Christians) tend to take on the world’s viewpoints and lifestyles, ignoring the fact that we were put on this Earth to serve God. We prioritize temporal things over living a life that brings other’s to Christ and a life that accurately represents what we claim to believe. We prioritize other people/social activities/etc ahead of those we have committed ourselves to. We shirk the responsibilities we have both accepted and been given for “good times” and selfishness. We devalue things/people/relationships that should be placed highest on the totem pole.
TRUST me when I say this convicted me and encouraged a desire to live a life that would be completely glorious to God. It’s hard! I tweeted earlier this week that I wanted to live a life, not of perfection, but of one that so clearly indicated God that if you were The Invisible Man and followed me around – although I would sin – there were just somethings you wouldn’t catch me doing. There would be things you would see me attempting to do more of and hopefully getting better at. Things (both “big” and “small”) that I have to deal with within myself, by myself, and with God. Things that have affected my relationship with my husband and relationships with friends and randoms, alike. Temptations that are a challenge but hopefully, with the grace of God, will become easier to handle.
This question sparked A LOT of the change in my perspective about life…..
What do you want your legacy to be?
Do you ever consider that these sinful habits we create and allow to rule us, affect our children/friends/neices/nephews/future? That when we decide to do one thing, our friends/coworkers/siblings (out of both loyalty & also being followers and intrigued with sin) also follow in our footsteps and further “ok” our behavior? And, allow our behavior to justify theirs? Do you think that your today’s will truly have no lasting effect your tomorrow’s?
I like to think of my life as a book that’s being written, a bio of sorts, that will be passed around my circles and down through latter generations. I’ve decided that I want to live a transparent life. A life not built on lies or deceit. A life with no skeletons being racked up and shoved in a closet. A life that is honorable and can be looked upon by anyone and I wouldn’t be ashamed. A life not dictated by my past. Realizing that my Father is gracious, merciful, and forgiving- I wouldn’t even be ashamed of the skeletons that were stowed away from years past…. Why? When I know He tosses those skeltons as far as the east is from the west?!?!
I know that I am clothed with the stength and dignity of God and He deserves much more than a servant who thinks so little of Him that I wouldn’t depend on Him to be the woman of Christ He created me to be.
I want to be the kind of mother that my daughters can look up & desire to immulate in regards to dignity, grace, class, attitude, how I raise/treat them, how I respect and treat their father. I want my sons to WANT to marry someone as gentle, respectful, helpful, and genuine as their mother. I want my husband to be able to look at me and walk next to me with his shoulders back, chest out and be PROUD of who I am. I want my friends to see someone they can look to for accountablility and honesty – even when it’s tough and painful.
Most of all, I want God to be able to look at me with pride and say “LOOK! There is my daughter. My pride and joy!”
I am encouraged and convicted to live a life of dignity, strength, and grace. Not one of perfection, but one of great trust and dependance upon God. A life that is for Him. A life that is marked by going outside of comfort zones to serve Him.
And, it all starts with looking in the mirror with the courage to be honest with yourself about who you are and then trusting God wholeheartedly with the change to become the person He wants you to be.
…. here’s too super long posts that I can’t stop writing (lol…)…. and mostly, to my swelling heart for God and the desire to see others living out a life that pleases God.
I hope your heart will begin to swell for Him too. God will lead you there, in His own time. Just trust Him.