It’s been quite some time since my last post….. At least it feels that way. In blog- life it’s been an eternity. In real life, only a week and a half or so?
I really believe I’ve been mentally distancing myself from “all of this” as an effort to deal. That’s my view at least. I just don’t think about it. I’ve found other things to occupy my brain matter with what is both fun and productive! From shopping to semi working out to finding new, fun arts & crafts to experience and master – I’ve been keeping myself quite busy. And, reading! I’ve started reading again! Which I just adore. I could literally read all day!
…… but. Reality has it’s way of tapping you on the sholder and not allowing you to forget where you are.
I am generally a lover of holiday decorations… I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE decorating for ALL holidays. If Thomas would allow it – I’d have new door, table, and WHATEVER decorations for every holiday from New Year’s to Flag Day. Seriously. My favorites have to be Christmas and Easter, though. Even though (most) of the decor have NOTHING to do with the real meaning, it’s such a beautiful and sentimental time of year. I’m even starting to get into Thanksgiving decorations even though I pretty much detest the holiday and what it’s become, I kind of dig the DIY pumpkins I’ve come across recently.
But, it’s no fun to decorate for yourself. Although, I do feel that there is a whole lot of magic in the twinkling lights and the beautiful decor that just makes it all seem so much more special… and the music – I love the music. My goodness!! I love it. But, at this point, right now – I can totally skip right over the holidays and land on Jan. 12 and not miss a thing.
I was talking to one of our friends and asked, “What do you do without kids?” Like, really. How is your time occupied? Who/what brings that extra life and energy into your home? Not that your spouse isn’t enough, but life with just the two of you can’t possibly be as much fun. Are you even considered a “family” with just a husband and I wife? I say no. Thomas says yes. But….. I don’t think so. You’re just D.I.N.K.s – two people who have Dual Incomes and No Kids. BORING.
The idea that I could quite possibly never experience my kids staring in wonder at Christmas lights…. or having them “help” me put up all of the decorations that are beginning filling the aisles of ever store…. or hear them singing songs absolutely breaks my heart. No traditions (some of which haven’t quite been created yet…. some of which begin with kids) to pass down. No one to tell stories to. No one asking “How many days until…” a trillion times a day. Kinda takes the fun out of the experience.
Kind of takes the fun out of life. There are so many things I planned on doing. So many things I was excited about doing. Creating. And, experiencing. I literally have t-shirt ideas, party themes, and little things I want to do us to do with our little ones that could never come to life.
It’s sad. To think about living a completely different life than you’ve ever planned is more than a bit unsettling. And, for me, seems incredibly boring.
A life of little responsibility seems fun. The ability to “borrow” someone else’s kid only to “send it back” when you’d like, sounds perfect and ideal. Until you realize what you’re missing. Then, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
….. here’s to trying to really trying to enjoy & embrace DINK-hood until.
A little snipet of what’s being missed…..