I’m thankful for light. Thankful for how it breaks up the dark. For how it forces you to face the day and deal with what’s going on around you. Grateful that light allows you to see & find things you would have otherwise missed if you remained in the dark. I’m grateful for the fact that once you experience the light – you aware at how foolish it is fumble around in the dark by choice. Straining your eyes, “feeling your way”, and bumping into things.
Finally learning where the light switch is and CHOOSING to choose the light instead of the dark. Finally.
Finally learning how important it is to, sometimes, take a “time out” in a dark, quiet room only to come back focused and flipping the switch the a fervor and determination that only comes from the decision to move forward. Finally.
I’m curious about a lot. Silent about a lot. But, most of all praying for a dose of widsom and maturity larger than I can imagine that just allows me to understand, accept, and appreciate this… plight of mine.
Praying that I’m being moved to the place God wants me to be and doing what He wants me to do – lol…. one would argue that I’m right where He wants me, doing what He’d have me to do. Right now. ……………………… my next self- challenge is: “Well, why isn’t your “right now”good enough?” as I struggle with thoughts of “…. but, I’m not doing anything..” and “… what am I doing?”
… some days, barely making it. Others, feeling quite accomplished and productive. Still at times, incredibly dark.
……. here’s to solitude in the most painful darkness…. to the fullfillment and peace light brings…. to randomness, conflict, contraditions, and living in an unbalanced world between raw emotions that yield uncontrollable tears and the peace and comfort of The Light. All while trying to hope without feelings of unbelief and sadness.
…. to braving the darkest of deserts. Alone.