it’s October… fyi

Whew!! It’s October, y’all, and I’m sorry but that’s insane. The summer is GONE (although the heat has stayed) and it’s all downhill from here. A fun downhil, but we’re literally walking up towards the porch getting ready to knock on 2017’s door. Nuts. 

That also means I’m weeks away from having two two year olds. Which is equally as nuts as the year coming to an end!… and, because these sweet girls turned 22 months today, we stopped to get ice cream after school!They’ve had maybe a spoon of Haagen Dazs before but they’ve never really had ice cream like this before!! So it was pretty exciting!  We shared a small cup of Birthday Cake with sprinkles & they loved it!! No major messes or anything! Praise hands!

The grown up so much since starting school over the summer and their maturation has been a major blessing to me! They’re a little behind on their speech (being a preemie + a multiple wasn’t in their favor in this area!) but over the past week or so the words & little phrases have been flowing! It’s so surprising and so sweet to hear their little voices repeating & communicating. Since we’re friends here & this is a safe space…….. I was so upset and disappointed about them not talking sooner. (On the flip side, they absolutely dance like no one is watching!) But! I’m learning so well that everything is a process. Just because it doesn’t happen today, doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen. There are just a few things that need to happen first! When we’re patient and grateful for what is, it can be a lot easier to endure the wait! Today, I was chatting with a co-worker about motherhood, our children’s personalities & raising them according to their bent, relationships, & just mama stuff right? We talked about the importance of building relationships inside your home. Intentionally creating space to learn about & enjoy each other, to laugh & experience life together…… y’all, just because you live in a house with someone doesn’t mean you have a relationship with them. That has to be fostered and it’s our job as parents to equip our kiddos with the skills necessary to function productively and well in life. One of those skills sets is relating welL to others. My girls only have each other, it’s not written in stone that they’ll be besties after they’re no longer forced to see each other or talk to each other daily. It’s my job to teach them to be the type of person another would enjoy. Not everyone, just most. Be kind, patient, enduring, forgiving, loyal… how to be a friend. How to celebrate others, support others, and others. All that …. and more is taught to our kiddos by how we treat them, how we teach them to treat others, & how we teach them be treated. It’s good! Convo was goood for this mama heart! 

Oh! All that to mention how I’m going to be intentional about doing something weekly with my girls that’s out of the norm. A couple of weeks ago, we went to the park on a weekday. (Gasp!) first, I thought it would be the worst experience in all of my motherhood-ing & 2nd I had isht to do. Literally it was a sacrifice for me but they had so much fun, we spent quality time & it broke up the monotony of the week. No one got lost, stolen, or injured so I’d say it was a win. 

Same thing for ice cream today… everything was smooth sailing so I’m grateful for that. A lot of times Im very conservative about where I take the girls solo & how I take them (stroller or no stroller) because as you can imagine, things can get real hectic real fast. But these were two good experiences that reminded that we can do this thing together & still have so much fun! 
Anywho…….. YES! Things are so good right now! So incredibly grateful for what is & actually quite expectant about what’s to come. I’ve got some good vibes that some amazing things are going to happen here pretty soon………… don’t know what it is but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be one of the sweetest gifts from the Lord ever.  Lol

I hope y’all are having a great week!!!! Miss this space dearly and so grateful for you for continuing to read and email and share your encouragement & testimonies! Means the whole entire world!!

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the days are long….

…. but the years are short. 

I have no idea what we were doing last week, but I remember this time last year like it was yesterday. 

Chaotic and dark and painful days filled with this crazy joy and love for my babies and the beginnings of a real peace seeping into my world. Two chubbies crawling around, cruising, starting on purées, and Gerber puffs. Wearing little moccasins and Carter’s onesies & those heavy Stride Rite shoes. 

How I wished and wished for better days and totally missed what was right in front of me. As horrible as this sounds, I’m quite a few months into really seeing my babies. Really taking them in versus being a fog and checking off caring for them like tasks on a to do list. My days aren’t  not a blur anymore. And, I’m soaking every moment with these people and this season of my life up because it’s full of expectancy and anticipation like never before. 

My girls and I went to the park today and I wanted to stay. I wanted to watch them climb up the slides and explore. I wanted to just observe them laugh and play, watching them do new things is so neat….. Didn’t want to worry about the heat or bugs or the freaking schedule. Right now, I have a kid that’s half my size laying on my chest and I love it. While it’s a bit inconvenient & it’s delaying some progress, why rush her off to her crib?  Yes I have things to do that a sleeping 25 pounder laying on your chest totally stops, but it’s also giving me time to share Plexus, blog, sit with the Lord, & just be. So, we’re being productive. And, I learned a bit more about being flexible, enduring, & patient. I’m learning not to rush through “it”. Learning that not everything has to change today….. not matter how hard, painful, or inconvenient…….. it doesn’t have to change today. But it could actually change tomorrow. I know that you can get through the day. That the longer you’re in it, the longer you’re face to face with the Lord, the better. depending on him for each moment is draining but so good. I was listening to Priscilla Shirer today and she talked about how we miss opportunities to grow our character and relationship with God when we rush through life. And, she’s so right. 

So the Lord is working things out for our good. And, one thing that helped to broaden my perspective and exercise a bit of patience was thinking of God “working things together” like planning an event. Have you ever done that? You have to work with a caterer, a baker, the venue coordinator, you gotta get your dress, the shoes, the invite list, stationary, etc etc for ONE event. Imagine that the Lord is doing that with you & every person in your life as he’s trying to get us to where he wants is to be. All the pieces he is coordinating and lining up ever so perfectly to make things work for our good. So now, if I’m struggling with someone, I just think……. he’s working on the cake design with the caterer & that’s why this isn’t quite ready yet. This hasn’t happened because we’re waiting for that last RSVP. While nothing is too hard for God and he can make anything happen when he wants, he understands the importance of the process. And, I’m learning to appreciate it. 

We’re a few months away from the end of 2016 and I literally cannot believe all that’s happened. It’s been so good and I wish I hadn’t rushed through some parts, but even through that God has been good and has grown me so much.  

Not wishing a moment by. Not rushing through one experience to get to the next. Yea sometimes I want Jesus to come down immediately but then I remember that someone this right here that feels like walking through drying concrete, has the potential to draw me closer to the Lord & shape me to be more like him……. or, I could totally waste this time & complain. 

The Lord is my shepherd, he restores my soul, he leads me. I will fear  no evil because the Lord is with me (and has already been right here because he also goes before me). He has a provides for me, he pursues me, he challenges me, &strengthens  me. Christ offers us freedom, joy, peace, and a relationship overflowing with a loyal, unconditional love. It’s up to us whether or not we accept it, we fight to grasp hold of it, and rest in Him. Learning to do that is NOT easy. Learning to navigate a whole new circumstance isn’t easy, but it can be done & it can be done well

…… you just gotta learn trust the Lord’s party planning skills. 

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ground view

augieandlola5The floor has become my new spot… a forced favorite because when you have little ones that’s where they spend a lot of time. Not the most comfortable spot, but definitely the sweetest.

These girls have grown up on me and I almost don’t understand how there’s so much more growing up to do. I always feels like they’ll be this size for a while.

But, everyday they’re doing a bit more.augieandlola1

Blowing raspberries.

Leaning in to be picked up or snuggled.

Working to put their pack’s in their mouths.

Kicking.

Sleeping through the night for real. Like, every night.

Big girl bottles (10 oz. bottle, eating 6 & 8 0z.)

Squealing and jumping in excitement. (Wait…. What? They’re too small to show excitement!!!)

It’s never ending.

They’re also starting to hold onto objects and put them in their mouths. One of the things I was waiting for…. along with rotating their hips and laying with their legs in the air. And, now that they’re able to do these things I’m wanting to pause time. Partially because it’s so cute but also because as much as I want to see them sitting up and putting those toes in their mouths, I can wait.augieandlolaThey’re starting to really become fun…. Not because they’re so cute and snuggling, but also because they’re reacting to you, music, and each other. It’s exciting. Soon, we’ll be talking to each other deepening our relationship through our thoughts, jokes, and stories.

These girls are perfect. I stare&snuggle everyday. Just thanking God for them and for the opportunity to be a Mom. To experience motherhood and this love that is unreal.

** bibs, teether, and paci clips are Augie & Lola. The softest most bibs and teethers thanks to the minky backing!! The best part – they’re super absorbent. No wet clothing with these bibs – nothing like pulling off a bib only to find a wet dress. Yuck. Check them out, if you want your babe’s necessities to be both trendy & functional – they’re your go to!

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… blank slates

I have come to absolutely love preparing for Holland.

Initially, it was pretty scary. But now, it gives me a sense of hope, future, second chances, & wonder.

It’s the opportunity to create perfection.
Because isn’t that the goal? A masterpiece of a child? The exquisite parent/child relationship?

I love how preparing for her is like creating a work of art from a lump of clay or blank canvas. Her room doesn’t have to be re-done or her wardrobe revamped.

There no sense of the past or an old anything that is coloring who she is.

It’s fresh. Each dress, onesie, shirt, sock or shoe I buy her is creating a look that she will have never had. A look no one else has had, either.

Her walls and furniture are completely personalized just for her. She won’t miss a favorite piece that’s being replaced nor will their be crayon marks or stickers stuck to the side of her bed.

Everything is new.

That’s one of the most exciting aspects of parenthood to me – you will have an opportunity to create afresh what you want to exist.

You’ll teach how to love or hate, how to be impatient or gentle. We’ll be writing on a blank slate – creating a work of art to be displayed for the world to see.

The goal is to raise a child who loves The Lord and honors him in the best and worst of times.

But, that’s difficult when everything is spotless but the ones raising this impressionable little being.
We aren’t perfect. We will fall short and mess up. Some mistakes we’ll be able to cover up with a bit of TLC & creative color mixing, while other mistakes will end up being a bit of an abstract beauty mark that is appreciated because of more creative artistry. While others – well, we’ll want a whole new canvas.

I’m thankful that every moment we’re given a blank slate. A new place to start by a God who is full of chances when they are so undeserved. And, although we can’t always go back and touch up – we can accept the forgiveness and love of a God who makes all things new in its own time.

The hope is that I will be a parent who has learned from the ultimate parent – the model parent, our Heavenly Father- how to treat my children based on how He treats me. How to trust those around me who are wiser and more mature. How to listen when it hurts and how to embrace my mistakes with the goal of learning from them.

Constantly keeping Romans in mind- remembering the type of person I am, have been, or have the propensity to be will allow me to be humble & open.

Humble when I “ruin” my painting & open to the suggestions of correcting my mistakes.

The person who doesn’t wallow in the ruin but remembers the savior who redeems and perfects as we journey through this life.

Everything is so new now. And, although as days go by, carpets will wear, furniture will be ruined, glass with be broken, I’ll lose my temper, and she will slam a door.

and, I will know I did my job (by the grace of God) when we emerge from our separate corners loving each other like Christ loved us both – even in the midst of sin.

That is creating a masterpiece of a child. One who doesn’t seek to immolate me. Not one who wants to be just like me, one who never speaks harshly or pine after me – but one who diligently seeks The Lord & chases after Him.

I pray, pray, pray that my thoughts on Christian parenting don’t evaporate once I see my girl. That I don’t make this whole thing about me. I believe that my thoughts will be challenged & challenging… They’ll be expanded & tweaked. Some ideas will work some days and others not so much – but, at the end of the day……. Even when I’m lying in bed crushed and the horrid mistakes that my man & my girl will be able to look at this mess of a woman & say “…. Just a little bit of this color & that will do just the trick!” & see a glimpse of the One who lives inside me.

I want mommy-hood, wife-hood, & Alaina-ness to be about God.
Only & always.

… here’s to redemption & willingly laying your character, attitude, & thoughts on the potter’s wheel to be molded to look a lot more like him!

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… adoption rocks!

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ahhhhhhh!!!!!
I’m still in complete shock that we have a beautiful little girl on the way via adoption.

I’m humbled every time we buy her clothes or pick out decor for her room or plan for the next year. I’m honored every time you guys share your stories with me and how my struggles and our triumphs have inspired and encouraged you; or how you’ve shared us with your friends and family.

This month has been quite special for me, although I’ve been quite quiet about it.
It’s NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH….. And, Saturday was NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY!!!!!!

This month, will forever be special for us. It represents everything that has changed us. Infertility brought us here, but I know that it was God who gently led and guided us this way.

Gently with grace and love.

Although our girl, H, will be adopted……. A fact that we are very proud of and want her to be very proud of – I’m guarding against making her feel as if she’s “separate but equal” in so many words. I want her proud of her background and unashamed of the life God has given her, but always knowing and secure in the fact that although she is adopted, she has a place in this world that she can never be removed from.

This year will be the last year we experience the holidays as a couple…… The holidays are always so difficult for me and I’m thrilled to share such a magical time of year with our girl. It’s honestly a dream come true!

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Love our not so complete table’s centerpiece! I found a box full of white mugs while I was pulling everything out and decided to Sharpie holiday greetings onto them. It curved my desire for arts & crafts for a minute. Who knows what I’ll be working on in the near future. I’ve already begun thinking about the things I could make for H! Lol.

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Hope you guys have had a relaxing weekend!! Hope all of your thanksgivings are perfect!

… Here’s to the constant goodness and support from an amazing community! & enjoying our last few months as a fam bam of 2!

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… preparing for our girl

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Furniture has been selected.
The stroller and car seat have been picked out.
And, our girls wardrobe is growing!! Although, she has not one pair of shoes yet.
I’m not even sure if she’ll wear shoes for a while. These “rules” in addition to my/our preferences will soon be fleshed out!

Adoption reading has been put on pause for Baby Wise, a book that I’ve heard so many great things about! And, so far, I completely understand why!!

I’m loving the preparation process and learning more and more about what we’re comfortable with in terms of how we will raise little H!

This is beautiful.

… Here’s to being humbled and prepared while we wait!

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… 15 weeks

We are fifteen weeks along!!15 weeks

As quickly as time feels to be flying by us so quickly, it seems to be passing as equally slow.

Our birth mother is great at sharing what’s going on with our little Holland….. I love the texts about what she “likes” and the “Hi, Mom!”  belly pictures! I know she’s up and moving about 4:30am and really likes bananas, while Mexican/spicy food isn’t her favorite!

I’m curious as to how her tastes and preferences in utero will translate to the “real world”.

I’m amazed at how God has worked all of this out… how He has matured us and prepared us for the next stage in our life. I’m so glad that the friends he’s put in our lives are also expecting so that our girl will have playmates the same age as she will be! I’m humbled at his goodness and promise keeping.

I have an app that clues me in on everything that is going on with her – what’s developing, when and why. I love to see how God is so carefully and meticulously knitting her together. Seeing her little ultrasounds, hearing her heart beat are the most amazing and precious sights and sounds. I will forever be grateful……

Little H,
I’m looking forward to you! Slowing building your wardrobe, finalizing ideas about the nursery as I want to create a beautiful, peaceful place for you. We are doing our best to prepare for you in every aspect – we can’t wait to meet you!

… here’s to next 22 weeks of preparing, purchasing, organizing, washing, decorating, assembling, planning, and celebrating!

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